My new chapter.

Posted on June 1, 2014

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Is 7 months after I embarked in search of new opportunities and life. During my last few days in PR I visited my parents grave and I knew it in my gut this was going to be the last time I will be visiting their grave in a long while, that good bye to my old Merlin was the hardest. The poor dog, I wish I saved him the suffering to put him to sleep before I parted but everything was so chaotic during those last weeks after I decided to leave.  I  booked the one way ticket out of Puerto Rico. My heart skip a beat amidst of confussion. It was the start of my test. After a hard year that practically distorted, tested and put everything in my life into chaos I knew in the back of the head it was time for me to take that step which I had delayed for so long.  I recall these dreams of an old me talking to myself as I am now. You have to do it for your own sake do it and for me otherwise you will be dead while still living and you have to do it now! I back everything in plastic bins and in my luggage. It was a crazy month, I did not know how I did it! As I stroll down the airport I said good bye to my younger brother. It was weird seeing this though guy shedding a tear for me, that is when he told me the sister that I know now will never be back. I check-in my bags, pass the inspection gates, and finally entered the gate towards the plane that will take me out from PR. The countdown to take-off started in the back of my head. The worst and most wrenching minutes of my life. The agony, the memories, anger, frustration and then the take-off announcement hit me. It rang it to my ears as I felt the old me begin to die slowly, painful yet mixed with some weird joy  with hints of panics as my breath started to go deeper,  copious with my sweaty palms. I felt as the moment the plane took -off my soul parted from my body. Praying in my mind and hoping for the best in this new chapter tears started to come down to my face. Hasta nunca to my old self said a distant voice inside me as my heart sank and this new confident me emerges.  An omen ran into my ears as my right ear began to ring. Not again, why now? The migraine pills are to far away from me and this can not happen now. The omen was there, I felt to sleep while the Superman movie was playing and the toddler boy in the row next to me starred at me with a joyous smile. I felt his gaze on me as the plane took off and through the entire flight. A sight of relief left my body and I murmur to my heart was whisper saying the worst is gone now yet there are more challenges to face in the new place.  I felt the next 3 months after my departure felt as my reborn process. Working my first job in this new phase was a test. Target is the worst place to work. Panic attacks accompanied me in a rush while a string of co-workers with their nasty attitudes saying why the heck you left Puerto Rico? Is not as bad as you say it is! In here we have far worse crimes than what you saw over there. There might be some true to that I replied to them at times. But in the back of my head I scream everything to them: is not funny when a childhood friend of yours is killed in front of your eyes, you hear the gunshots  whispers announcing the chase that ended up taking his life at 15 min drive from where I first heard the first round of shots, when your brother was robbed twice in the same month and one of the robbers was a police man with a gun pointed at his head feeling the cold barrel, when I myself was a victim of theft and to top off the circus that accompanied with a injured foot which no one cared about minus the freaking car, getting the announcement that my contact would be expiring in less than a month and my health with a stupid health plan that was far worse than people imagine, oh did I forget my previous boss was the worse and  had to act like a freaking clown and pretend everything was cool when is not not forgetting the fact that my co-worker appeared to want the spotlight on her while I tried to go back to work feeling lost and without a clue because we were given at all times misinformation. Seven months later, even though I am not facing unemployment ( yes and is funny isn”t?) even though I know I will be out of a job am calm and positive which is driving me crazy. To top it off I barely know people around here and I had just started to move and to get out and meet people up. Is a funny transition and ironic. Hopefully this transition will open better doors.

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